"Dog, I was having nervous breakdowns, Like 'Man - these niggaz that much better than me?' "

There's no one to share this moment with. I've got a picture of James Joyce by me, and Darwin, and Muhammed Ali, and Kerouac. They don't talk much, but they're a constant reminder of what's possible with courage and an open mind. Tommorrow I'm going to pop a bottle of champagne, by myself, and listen to Manu Chao. Pumping my fist or jumping in the air once for every time I lost my nerve and found it again. I know going back to school isn't some final victory, I've really only made it to the trailhead, but I think it was Talib Kwali who said "If you don't celebrate then there's no reason to fight". There's a PhD somewhere up ahead, and I'll be drinking champagne then too.

I'm fresh out of the college of engineering, something I was never enthusiastic about. I could posit a thousand reasons on why I chose that path, but I'm not ashamed to say I wanted financial freedom. You see, I spent most of my formative years a slave to small debts, my main benefactor lording every benefit over me. The constant bug in my ear about failure and the cost of living. I rebelled as much as I could, ending up in the back of cop cars and the like, and that bug started telling me that I had become a failure. You might say I did all this, worked my ass off to be an engineer, to prove that voice wrong. I'm not greedy and all my money goes to the mission, but I make more money than the cop that jabbed me with his night stick now. I make more money than these adult bullies who told me I was nothing 4 years ago. Money is one language those people understand, and if you listen really close mine says "Fuck You".


But I digress. I'm going back to school now. To get a degree in something I've been practicing since I can remember. When I moved out of the suburbs my mom showed me a story I had written on construction paper with crayon when I couldn't have been older than 6 or 7. I've done a lot of things in my life: made a lot of friends, changed a lot of minds, earned the love of a great person, gained a lot of knowledge. But maybe my personal favorite accomplishment is what I'm going to set my alarm for tommorrow. I made it mom, I can do whatever I want now. And I'm happy. I hope you're proud of me.