camera

New Cam . . .this ought to make things interesting

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"I believe in nothing . . .go 'head run the tape"

School drawing to a close. This blog is going to become very active as the summer progresses and I settle into a new environment. For now, something I wrote sitting outside and enjoying the weather and circumstances.

The past cannot be beckoned,
like, at last penciled into schedules
and reconfigured down to seconds.
It looms bigger than expected
and undulates undirected.
Swelling here not in happenstance,
but in significance,
can't remember names,
or better yet, knows they're all the same.

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"Can you fathom not having a fear in the world"

Stories exist to predict outcomes,
postulate conflated answers to "how come?"s
and copulate with the forces of "from now on"s

I wrote this one quickly
to remove the possibility
of some bias
plying my fickle mind
to admit its all a lie

Try etching glass with blood
or farming in the flood.
From my fingertips I can build battleships from mud

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Staple gun

Okay, poems. I need to find a corner to tuck these in, until then comment if you life. These are meant to be read aloud and very quickly.

A poet can sit and scrawl
a poem that means it all,
at any time at all.
Title reads "To Teach Man to Crawl"
and it enthralls the idle reader to
forego his idle needs or shuffle thru IDs
for the one that guarantees
access to anywhere but here.
'Coz the staff pretends they cannot hear.
And I laugh @ friends or fasten loose ends.
But it's still a life of fear.

---

"It cannae absolve your pain"
The constant questioning,
the way one's fortunes lay ...
even the truth is lies
beamed thru bedroom eys
Vita Brivas
means the first and fleetest
beats the . . . ah hell.

Bathe in XPs indigo glow,
backstage pass to bullshit show.
Bubbling blood from cocaine nose,
Attention Deficit Disorder comes and goes.

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get something doin'

If it were bizarro world, we'd be able to reference tabulated transference. This is much less sane, somehow the past may have been changed.


I think I'm going to write about this, even though most of the people I talk to about it also read this:

The book I'm working on, with the same name as this blog, has been aided up to this point by the use of a system that I think might be semi-innovative. I'd like to expound on it a bit:

The general idea is that I've created a surfable website (not actually on the internet, but viewed through Firefox and threaded together with hyperlinks) containing every character sketch, metaphorical concept, chapter summary, setting description, etc. The impetus for this was that I, being thoroughly disorganized by nature, needed to come up with a new way to keep my thoughts together in a meaningful way that would be minimally taxing to review and edit. Thus, I dug up every notebook I'd used to catalog ideas and spent a great deal of time entering old writing. While it would have been less time-consuming to do this from the beginning, I already had a very general concept of where the book was going to go before I started visualizing it in .html, so this provided me a good opportunity to fill in the blanks and revisit some concepts that might have seemed a little dated.

It didn't take me long before I moved beyond simply connected sheets of text. I inserted images of people that looked similar to my character, and of places reminiscent of the settings I would be using. It also allowed me to draw out floorplans, and paste them in at a reasonable juncture. Particular pages also benefit from having links to actual websites containing more factual background. Thus, when looking at the sheet for the main character's place of work I have a description I worked out, snippets of text that may actually make it into the book, floorplans for key locations, images of other corporate headquarters around the world, and references to information about american corporate hierarchies, typical security protocols, legal points on surveillance, etc etc. Whatever has relevance can be placed on that sheet and while writing any scene within the confines of the workplace, I can pop open my browser and make sure I'm knocking off all my picture frames.

I guess the point is, this is the way to write a novel I think. It might not produce a good novel in my particular situation, but it's an excellent way to stay organized and allows your creativity to roam free without missing details.

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Sent to make you smile

A support column has been removed, not because it buckled, but to conserve resources. I now sag a bit in the middle, my denizens stick to the edges. Funny how plans change, and each morning can only represent itself; despite anything I can't implicate novelty in this impasse.

Old adages exist for a reason, rhyming subterfuge or not, and I'm useless against the impulse to hum "You don't know what you got until it's gone" as I pack up my books. This world of mine is filled with fascinating creatures that can never be replaced. A seductive beauty that slithers up next to me coupled with a knowing voice that demands little but deserves all. You deserve it all.

Fortune smiles tho, because there's one final foray, one last time to fling ourselves out into the atmosphere and let the pieces aggregate. I've got so many things to say while we're dispersed.

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Turns out . . .

I've been a Transhumanist all this time.

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Thinking about starting up a scholarship. . . However, I have no idea how to do this. Any suggestions . .. .

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"We are the facilitators of our own creative evolution."-Bill Hicks

In a glaring moment of honesty, even pastors know that this is all illusion. We fabricate, imply importance, insist that our concerns relate to anything.
The truth, the flaring ember of psychotropics, the vivid distortions of hypnogogia, the challenge of thought both rigorous and objective, is that, at the bottom, there is Nothing. We do not pass off into heaven, or return in a calculated form to make the same mistakes again. I know how much we want to believe in some grand order, if not responsive to our needs at least cognizant of our existence. It feels good to extrapolate feelings of interpersonal love to the highest, universal level. A life without faith is cold, difficult, demanding, nerve-wracking, daunting. It means that nothing one does is of significance and that despite a life of love, laughter and work you will still die in an utterly lonesome spasm. And so you will be gone, and no one will take your place because your role was not neccessary. And you won't transcend human consciousness and rise to the spirit realm, because neither the realm or the spirit is anything but our wonderful imagination.

What, then, are we to do with all of this energy? If to throw it into faith and concerns for the afterlife is an utter waste, what to do with all of our abilities in technology, philosophy, analysis, the arts, etc. Why bother at all?

I think we can find our answer in the particular pattern of evolution that mankind has taken. Now,I don't believe that evolution, by its very nature, tends towards intelligence or human-like ubiquity and versatility; We may very well be freaks on the planet and in the universe. But what I do sense is that the particular path that We have followed has been one of discovery, struggle, and "progress". We've come from the same humble beginnings as insects, and yet have been able to dominate every other living thing despite our lack of physical superiority. Communication and analytical ability has allowed us to overcome all obstacles and it is in these qualities that we must rely for the future.

In short, mankind has gained the ability to influence reality on a large scale. Even now, all of us live within a fragile, fabricated world that explicity requires money, families, religion (even if it goes basically unfollowed), social atmosphere, entertainment, etc. This world that you and I live in has been created over the centuries to circumvent or satisfy basic biologoical needs (some of which are unique to vertebraes or mammals or primates or humans). What's never questioned is whether or not these are the best solutions. IS an agricultural society really a vast improvement over hunter-gatherer? For several hundred years it may have been, but now that the downtime has allowed for the acceleration of technology, perhaps it would be feasible for an individual to provide their own food (I'm thinking primarily through the advancements of genetic engineering, computational power, etc). Is a nuclear family the best way to populate the earth, or do moderntimes require a retooling of the basic premise? What will we do when overpopulation becomes a real issue (like sometime in the early '90s). Does money make sense, or is it simply a way for unworthy individuals to inherit power and/or the motivation for greed? I don't intend to answer any of these questions, but to merely convince more capable minds that they are worth asking.

If we can shift our religions and our biases and our blind ambitions to constructing our new reality, or gradually overturning this one, we may be able to overcome all of our biological neccessities without becoming slaves to our impulses. Perhaps we can eradicate the desires for unhealthy foods and dangerous drugs by supplementing our meaningless lives with a mission rather than the fairy tales we now support. Maybe, through our ingenuity we can affect reality in such a way that life is meaningful.

Seems worth working on to me.

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