Grilled Mahi Mahi

I made myself a romantic dinner tonight after an afternoon of climbing by myself. I had grilled Mahi Mahi (as you may have guessed), steamed veggies, roasted potatoes and some Cabernet. It was a lot of effort for one person to have one meal, and yet I can hardly consider it a waste of time and energy. The meal was coupled with the renewed understanding that I am completely responsible for everything that happens now. My mistakes can no longer be written off on youth and naivete, my job cannot be neglected via its status, my body no longer will stand to be a garbage heap for whatever food I get my hands on.

I've been adjusting to a fairly solitary life. I spend a lot of my time reading or exercising or writing. I had forgotten the myriad values of routine exercise. It makes one feel and look better, it contributes to one's health; but most of all there is an exhiliration in feeling one's weakness marginalized and finally eradicated. Not that I am now rid of weaknesses, but rather I am developing a different relationship with them in which I am much more in control. This, I believe, may lead to a greater control of weaknesses of the mind as well.

Writing is going quite well, and in fact I find myself organizing my thoughts more clearly and developing a more subconscious sense of what is needed. It's amazing what you learn about a thing by simply doing it.

As time goes on, I'm becoming more reluctant to join in the few available social activities. This evening, in fact, I'm debating venturing out to a BBQ my brother's co-workeer is holding. My hesitation, mild and questionable, comes primarily from the fact that I'm sick of engineers. Not to bring any disrespect on this craft, but it seems that this is the occupation of virtually everyone I know here. And it creates a cramped worldview. What, I think, was so satisfying about my previous living situation was the diversity in perspective. Core beliefs could even be alike, but there was a stark contrast in how each of our streams of consciousness flowed.

There is some suggestion going on right now that something very specific might happen. It's one of these things that seems unthinkable for a long time and suddenly becomes obvious. I'm rooting for this to play out the way it's being suggested (in fact I won't speak its name now out of supersitition); but if I've learned one thing it's that life-changing decisions are not to be taken lightly. But if I've learned anything else it's that we cannot be paralyzed by concerns about the future.

Some friends are coming for a visit very soon (if things go according to plan). I'm trying to come up with some fun stuff to do, and I think I have. Boise is a fantastic place for bar-hopping, hotspringing and relaxing. I hope it's hot enough to float the river. And it sounds like they might be bringing this little treasure:

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