Last Words

If you've little plans to see me in the next two weeks, consider me gone. That's the precipice, right there, watch your step.

The first word is agony; for the loved ones I leave behind. Not merely family, but the talent of individuals I've surrounded myself with. You are the perhaps the smartest, most diverse and life-embracing group of people I will ever know. I will miss you all tremendously. This extends to someone I've just met but won't have the opportunity to really know. Most of all this extends to someone in particular who knows exactly how I feel and has heard enough of it directly. Forgive me, I'm just trying to give you the longest goodbye hug in history.

The second word is hope; all anticipation points towards a path I agree on. Finally feel like decisions are my own for better or worse. Phase 2 of a 15 year plan, and it seems that all systems are go. Everything is lined up for the life I scripted 5 years ago, could this emptiness in my stomach be that I fear accomplishing my goals? If our life is composed of our struggle . . .who are we when we finally win?

Another word is excitement; headed irrevocably to a beautiful place I decided I loved a long time ago. I will be drinking champagne in hot springs, visiting the Pacific Ocean on the weekend, and carving out a niche in a community I only barely understand. I will be going back to school nearly immediately to study the art I've been committed to nearly since birth.

The last word is anxiety. Its happening all too quickly. But I realize that no time could be better. The place is here, the time is now.