Grilled Mahi Mahi

I made myself a romantic dinner tonight after an afternoon of climbing by myself. I had grilled Mahi Mahi (as you may have guessed), steamed veggies, roasted potatoes and some Cabernet. It was a lot of effort for one person to have one meal, and yet I can hardly consider it a waste of time and energy. The meal was coupled with the renewed understanding that I am completely responsible for everything that happens now. My mistakes can no longer be written off on youth and naivete, my job cannot be neglected via its status, my body no longer will stand to be a garbage heap for whatever food I get my hands on.

I've been adjusting to a fairly solitary life. I spend a lot of my time reading or exercising or writing. I had forgotten the myriad values of routine exercise. It makes one feel and look better, it contributes to one's health; but most of all there is an exhiliration in feeling one's weakness marginalized and finally eradicated. Not that I am now rid of weaknesses, but rather I am developing a different relationship with them in which I am much more in control. This, I believe, may lead to a greater control of weaknesses of the mind as well.

Writing is going quite well, and in fact I find myself organizing my thoughts more clearly and developing a more subconscious sense of what is needed. It's amazing what you learn about a thing by simply doing it.

As time goes on, I'm becoming more reluctant to join in the few available social activities. This evening, in fact, I'm debating venturing out to a BBQ my brother's co-workeer is holding. My hesitation, mild and questionable, comes primarily from the fact that I'm sick of engineers. Not to bring any disrespect on this craft, but it seems that this is the occupation of virtually everyone I know here. And it creates a cramped worldview. What, I think, was so satisfying about my previous living situation was the diversity in perspective. Core beliefs could even be alike, but there was a stark contrast in how each of our streams of consciousness flowed.

There is some suggestion going on right now that something very specific might happen. It's one of these things that seems unthinkable for a long time and suddenly becomes obvious. I'm rooting for this to play out the way it's being suggested (in fact I won't speak its name now out of supersitition); but if I've learned one thing it's that life-changing decisions are not to be taken lightly. But if I've learned anything else it's that we cannot be paralyzed by concerns about the future.

Some friends are coming for a visit very soon (if things go according to plan). I'm trying to come up with some fun stuff to do, and I think I have. Boise is a fantastic place for bar-hopping, hotspringing and relaxing. I hope it's hot enough to float the river. And it sounds like they might be bringing this little treasure:

(518)

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New Chapter

I posted a new chapter (C3Al) if anyone's interested. It hasn't been critically edited yet, so if you see any glaring errors. Thanks!

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Revision to My Summer Challenge

I had mentioned that I wanted to revise the terms of the summer challenge I had made.
The new goal is this:

-75 pages complete on novel
-3 blogs per week of 500 words or more. At least one of which must be nonpersonal in nature

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Mankind

Recent developments (Brazilian Stonehenge, 250,000 year old tools, etc) have got me thinking about mankind again. The true history of our species is overwhelmingly unwritten. The accepted chronology of events is pathetically white-washed (and by that I mean caucasian) and understandably conservative. When anthropologists and other experts in the field peg something, like the discovery of agriculture, at 8-9,000 years ago they are doing so based on the oldest verifiable data that they have. This does not preclude earlier developments in agriculture, and in fact societies have been known to acquire and subsequently lose skills and knowledge based on their needs (who among us, for instance, knows much of anything about the cotton gin or the slide rule?).

In reality my interest runs deeper than that. As much as our cultural evolution fascinates me the really interesting thing to contemplate is how we made the leap from apes to beings capable of a complex culture? How did we become so adept at manipulating extra-genetic information and become capable of handing things and ideas down to future generations and sideways to our compatriots? What occurred inside our brain that kicked the door wide open for communication? How did we go from grunts symbolizing nouns to a language consisting of completely abstract components (syllables) designed to assemble into an even more abstract language?

The answer, I think, is psychotropic drugs. Envision a creature only marginally simpler than yourself. Capable of figuring out problems, outwitting lesser animals, possibly showing affection or otherwise expressing yourself. Take away the capacity for communication as we understand it. Allow for monosyllabic grunts that mean "food" or "water" or "fire" or "club" but not "family" or "boundary" or "swim" or "faster". Not that our creature did not have an understanding of these concepts or live within their meaning, but take away any ability to reference this concept to a fellow being.

Now add mushrooms. Or ergot or mescaline or any of the hundreds of plants containing DMT. When we, sophisticated, talkative, industrious, and expressive, take these drugs we are UNIVERSALLY overwhelmed with a rush of thoughts that is unrepressable, exhilirating and enlightening. Dosing a simpler (but only just) mind with one of these chemicals (a mind that has never been altered, mind you! or even understood stimulation beyond the forest floor or the serengeti) would cause a rush no less profound and no less forceful and creative. The meagre language we've developed to explain ourselves and our environment is hardly a match for a mild dose of mushrooms. Imagine if our creature and his tribe, unable to truly communicate, had an entire evening in which to try and explain the chaos inside their heads. Would they not begin to attach the abstract to grunts, if only as a placeholder? Would they not attempt to explain how they felt, not only in that moment, but in general? Would they not begin the process of attaching names to formerly unnamable and crafting sonic symbols for that which had never been uttered?

Let me know what you think.

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This place is quiet

There is a trickling return to normalcy. For instance homesickness does not plague me, nor does boredom find me lacking.

My brother talks, lately, about "getting It". He throws up respect for a surprising array of individuals we've all heard the names of. People who mastered their roles by reaching their potential and understanding that the only way they could ever truly ignite their flame is by paying strict attention to what fed it.

And yet, for many of us no single prhase leaps to mind. What is it that we truly love to do? Is it some latent genetic trait or the unintended consequence of a lifetime with eyes wide open? Is it possible to convince yourself that something in this wild world fits closely enough? If we try and fail, what is the recourse?

I said for the longest time that there are really two people in this world: Those with a plan and those without. Now this isn't a matter of one's superiority over the other, and we may even acknowledge that execution of one's plan is without relevance in the eyes of the universe. But what it does mean is an appreciation for the energy required to do these things one wants to do, and a willingness to admit that you have to start right now.

Anyway, its good to see this gleam in my brother's eye. He's learned for himself what makes life valuable, and what turns time into a tool rather than an obstacle. Rooming with him will do nothing if not encourage me that my own choices are valid, and irrevocable.

I've been able to start writing again, in degrees. Staring at skylines and taking evening bike rides to rouse some inspiration. This change in scenery has elicited the subtlest changes in my thinking, such that I've had to re-evaluate my objectives. Not on the whole, not in category or description or implementation. But rather in the words I actually put down, and the story I am trying to tell.

Anyway, hope all is well. I'm excited by an approaching visit. And I can't tell you the relief in a satisfying work environment. There is the feeling that once some final blocks fall into place (paychecks roll in, school starts again, I find a steady DD, etc) I will really be able to thrive here. Watch out.

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Listen to Dead Prez

So the Supreme Court has decided that it is acceptable for police officers to enter your residence (with a warrant) without notification, without knocking, and without the traditional "Police! Open up!". The focus of this decision was to make it easier to obtain illicit evidence, and reduce the possibility of a police officer violating your rights and thereby spoiling a case against you. This panel of silver-spooned shitbags, and trust me wealth has prevented these assholes from ever even meeting a police officer, cited increasing police professionalism as a major reason to slacken the restrictions on what type of evidence gathering is admissable in court. What is most interesting about this justification is that the ONLY thing that has possibly contributed to some subtle increase in "police professionalism" is the fact that they've learned a sloppy search can lead to a guilty person going free. Take away the possibility of an officer ruining his case and this supposed air of "professionalism" (a supposition that is decidely uncited in the report) dematerializes immediately. How is it that the brightest minds in legal thought can't understand the cause-and-effect of precendents set down by the institution they're representing. This case reeks of racism to me, and the self-righteous retardness of 6 people that have all been skull-fucked by the devil to achieve their status.




I can tell you this: as a fairly nonviolent person I would shoot a cop that kicked my door in without knocking. And I would go to jail for it. And that would be fine.

At some point this shit has to stop, but I have no idea what to do about it. Our country is being fucking ruined by the second. THIS IS WHY THE SUPREME COURT NOMINATIONS WERE SUCH A BIG DEAL. WE ARE ALL GOING TO BE IN JAIL BEFORE THIS IS OVER


I know a lot of inidivuals will respond with the by now classic retort: "But if you're not doing anything wrong, then you have nothing to worry about." This is utter shit, on the face of it. We are virtually ALL law breakers. How long before the RIAA begins to lobby for it's increasingly strict ideals to be enforced by law, how many of you smoke pot, how many of you are 20 and have beer in the fridge. Of course it goes beyond that, because when combined with the more startling information that our communications are also being tracked and monitored its growing more obvious by the day that this is no longer a free country. That means a revolution, though maybe still a generation or two away, is nearing. How easily will it be supressed when the telecoms are willing to hand over our communication, the moral majority is willing to hand over their children for questioning the almighty Bush, and they can kick in your door without even asking. We need to burn this place to the fucking ground and start over.

End Rant.

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workworkwork

So, I'd thought I'd put up a post about work as it the Detroit tribe asks about it.

I'm currently working on 3 primary projects, although some others tend to creep in as well. The first is a transit study for the state of Idaho. Basically, Idaho has something like a dozen different agencies that provide public transit around the state (mostly rural with the exception of the provider in Boise). My company is determining what types of technology would best fit each provider to save money, increase efficiency, reach more riders, increase safety/security, etc. What this essentially means is that very soon I am going to be traveling around the state and meeting with people to help them figure out how they can better serve their community with technology.

Another project is updating the Intelligent Transportation Systems plan for Boise metro. The goal for this is to update a plan made in 1999 for automating/optimizing traffic operations using technology like cameras, vehicle detection, electronic signs, actuated signals, etc etc. This is going to be somewhat gratifying, as every new person I meet that asks me what I do for work responds "Yeah, something really needs to be done with traffic here". And with the valley geography of Boise, building new roads is something of a last resort.

The others, suffice it to say that depending on how our proposals go I will be traveling to any/all/none of British Columbia, Utah, Montana or Oregon sometime this year. Should be a cool way to see the region. The job is really interesting so far, and I'm being given a really long leash. Of course with that comes some responsibility and expectation; but I think I have been doing really well. When I was expected to simply be reading some things I started in on the next steps and my boss was pretty impressed. My advice to anyone in college anticipating going to work after graduation is to get a job before you graduate. I don't anticipate using anything that I learned in school anytime soon.


I also bought a kick-ass phone/PDA that is keeping me uber-organized. I might get sick of it eventually, but what it amounts to is having the internet in my pocket at all times. I read an article on Wikipedia while having a bowel movement today. I can use Microsoft word, instant messenger, Excel, etc etc. I can write a note for work, and in the blink of an eye move to revising a chapter from my book. SG: I just made a purchase that is going to save me time in virtually every task I do.

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Tupac Shakur died when he was 25 years old

How old are you?

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