"there is no remembrance of former things"

(video: The Books-The Lemon of Pink)

Reading The Moral Animal and elucidating all sorts of intuitions about the way we behave. The underpinnings to a male's sexual urges, the different framework guiding a females. The reasons for the approach we choose in all the primal arts of sex and violence and creation. And even in my amateurish understanding of psychology, getting the sense that every theory yet devised about what goes on inside our mind will be explainable by reflecting on the millions of years in which it was forged. I hope its just not idealism on my part that some things will make sense.

This past weekend regrettably ditched a friend and hooliganized every patch of pavement from downtown to the west side to the park with the huge hill in it in the north end. Boise looking meaningful shimmering down there in the desert, lights blinking on and off, irradiating the developed land, giving the kids something to live their lives by. And always cold beer and copious smoke rolling colloidal out of lungs into the atmosphere. And laughing at something unspoken. And I've enjoyed chaos and rebellion and that hypercelebration that leads to what parents might call mistakes. But something went a bit too far. Maybe I'm too old for this, or maybe I'm just not willing to catch hell and sleep a night in jail unless it's something I believe in.

As someone who writes I've at least more than once been asked: "but how do you come up with stuff?". And it's not autobiography, and they are not stories about people I know, and they are not, I don't think, a metaphor for how I feel occupying the lonely planet. I have no idea what anyone's capacity is to wrench a story from the ground or that I am even somewhere in the rightmost sector of it's bell curve. I do know, however, that you have to listen. You have to pay attention. You have to see patterns in everything. You have to dream, hard. You have to make life a rush of experiences and yet space out time to distill it. And then you have to sit down and forget everything.